My day was interesting, I spent most of it looking for a place where I wouldn’t go crazy. I started out by the lake, then moved to a swing set, back to the lake, then to the top of a hill sitting on my hood. I didn’t make any life changing discoveries, I just got to escape. I subconsciously knew I was still in the real world, but today, my wandering helped distract me. It helped me not sit home and cry all day, in fact I only cried when I came home and curled up in my bed. I would say today wasn’t that bad.
I’m scared of what’s happening to me. I haven’t taken pleasure in anything I used to, I haven’t had any appetite for the past few weeks and in the last month I’ve lost 15 pounds. I don’t sleep anymore and if I do, it’s for 30 minutes at the most. I’ve also not really felt emotion for a month or two. I’m just done. Done caring. Done trying.
I don’t even know how to go on anymore. There’s nothing more for me to live for. I need someone. Now. I just go through everyday without feeling any emotion. I’m numb. All I do at night is cry. I don’t sleep anymore. I barely eat throughout the day except for dinner with my parents. I go a whole day without realizing I haven’t eaten. That’s how lost I am. I couldn’t tell you what happened last week, I also couldn’t tell you how much I need someone to talk to about all of this. I’ve tried everything and now I see that what I need is a human being. Someone to care.
this might just become the most reblogged post of 2013
I just need someone to save me from this darkness. All I feel anymore is hurt and sadness. I don’t want to be that person, I CAN’T be that person, I’m not that person. Not really. The one I need most is lost among great opportunities and accomplishments and responsibilities. It hurts me so much to know I have to tear her away from that. She doesn’t deserve it. That’s why I’ll try to “be better” until she can spare some time. Until then I will force myself to focus on fixing me. I am strong. That’s all I know right now. I will cling to that and show myself how truly strong I am. I can do this on my own, I just don’t want to have to. I will overcome the thoughts of laying on the floor all day and talking to no one. I will make an effort to not push anyone away. I will try to suppress the thoughts that go through my head daily so that I can at lest have some fighting chance. I’ll try to swim in my tears rather than drown. I’ll try to shine for her again.
1. I’m trying to please everyone and be everything for everyone to distract me from myself.
2. I’m putting the weight of the world on my shoulders to please everyone and I don’t feel strong enough to lift it.
3. I’m crumbling under the pressures of school.
4. Every new hope is a let down.
5. I feel like I’ve lost myself in life.
6. I feel like I’m falling with nothing and no one to catch me.
7. I’m searching for a safety net- and finding nothing.
8. I feel like I’m letting people slip away and I know I’m pushing others away.
9. I don’t feel like anyone cares anymore.
10. I don’t feel like the same me- and I’m not okay with it.
11. I don’t even know myself anymore, how could anyone else know the real me?
12. I feel out of control.
13. I’m trying to keep it all hidden.
Imagine if every time you thought of someone, they get a small tingling sensation. Maybe on their arm, or their cheek.. What if when you think of the person you’re in love with they get a tingling in their heart? So they know at that moment someone is thinking of them. Would it be a good thing? To…